What Nerve

 

It was 4 o’clock in the morning. MIchael felt fragile- physically and mentally, even though he worked out regularly for his body and mind. His nerves had frayed. He was jumpy, and easily ruffled. Emotion! What a tricky and sensitive term in every sense. 

Every action of someone or something was bringing a reaction in him. Even an occurrence not related to him would sometimes trouble him. He finally decided to do something about it. But what?- he had no idea.

The beach was near his house. He decided to take a long walk. He made four large shots of brandy, mixed it with drops of lemon juice and water, and poured it in a flask. He would think it over over a few drinks. What an un-sober idea. Hell with it! He needed a few drinks.

He went to the beach for a leisurely walk. It was still dark but pleasant. Low tide. Shore and the sea were miles apart. He could see few people trotting around, probably late night revellers rather than the morning walkers. He didn’t quite fit into any category anyway. First sip of brandy coursed through his veins. Wow! Some fuelling. His speed picked up. Small white birds were flapping their tiny wings. Ready to fly looking for a morsel. How chirpy they looked without a care in the world. Hmmm. One large sip. Back to dealing with emotions. 

Michael had a friend called Raul, a brilliant computer geek who once told him all emotions can be controlled by machine. And to further prove his point he had developed a small chip or cell which he had named Al. Raul had told him that though Al Cell was work-in-progress, it had yielded wonderful results. Michael had understood part of what Raul explained but only vaguely. Michael had told Raul about his oscillating, highly sensitive emotions. Hmmm.

Third sip or rather a gulp now. Michael decided to pay him a visit, and demand some answers - as if he had a right. Well - he did since Raul was a good friend and Michael was three pegs down, or rather up.

Raul lived right on the beach, a cozy flat in a building, surrounded by long coconut trees overlooking the ocean. He lived alone, like Michael. His flat had a small balcony with a swing where he used to sit to watch the dawn and the sunset. Michael hoped he would be there now, though it was quite early. Michael reached Raul’s house and looked up. There he was swinging leisurely in his swing. One more large sip and he finished off the brandy. He waved out to him and without waiting or asking if he could come up he took the stairs and landed in Raul’s balcony. 

- So tell me about your baby- Michael asked. 

- Al Cell - Raul smiled and replied. No hi, no pleasantries.  

- Ya ya. Are you ready to back up your boast?-

- Yes. Now? -

- Now is a good time. Shoot-    

  Raul looked at Michael closely.

- Wow! Someone is charged up. Am I smelling something fishy? - he asked 

- Yes! I’m at sea-

- Well, so let me navigate you. Al Cell is a microchip with a camera. It receives images, stores, dissects and emits answers as per the software programme built. So far I have tested it on an animal- don’t ask me which, where and how? - it has given me good results. Now, if I am not mistaken , you want to use it for yourself. -

Michael nodded.

- Hmm - Raul continued - so here is how it will work. Al will be installed behind your retina. It is so small that you will find no itch or discomfort. Once operational, It will save all the images your eyes see, including reading, thinking , dreaming. Now, from what you have told me earlier and I understand, you want to deal with your emotions through this chip. -

Michael nodded. Raul continued.

- Once I put this cell inside you, everything you see or read will be fed into Al. It has a programme which will ask one of your nerves to emit a reaction which it feels is best suited for you. The reaction will be different from how you would have otherwise reacted to the given situation normally. For example, if you are walking on a beach and a few dogs come barking, you might run or get scared. Once Al is installed, it will record what you have seen and send a signal to your mind saying it is nothing to fear. With the result you won’t think of running nor would you be scared. I won't be surprised if the signal Al sends would be such that it will not only tell you that the dogs are harmless but you may want to go and pet the dogs or feed them. -  

     Michael was about to laugh but stopped short when he saw Raul had said this with all seriousness and intensity. Raul continued. 

- Similarly, you are talking to a person and you don’t agree with his or her view points, and normally that would have gotten you damn agitated since your emotions are fragile. But once Al is installed it will record everything and will ask one of your nerves or tongue or mind to react differently. Mind you, the answer you would then give to this person may not be to your liking but at least you will be calm and assertive and your emotions will be in control. Al Cell is designed to please and make you comfortable in any given situation. You will be at peace with yourself. But, the person on the other hand may or may not be pleased with your reactions. Al Cell doesn’t care and so will you not. -

Michael sat transfixed digesting this information. He needed a drink. Or did he ? He needed that bloody chip. Raul put his hands on Michael’s shoulder.

 - My friend, though this is a work of art I forbid you to use it just now. Not that I am not sure about its success but I don’t want any machine to be ruling human. Especially you, Michael. -

Michael was shaking his head. He was aware of what Raul was saying but he was deep in a well. This was the only ladder to climb up.

- I would rather be a machine than the man I am. - Michael mumbled. 

Raul was shaken. But he was at a loss to convince Michael not to do it. Still he felt it was his duty to tell Michael everything from every angle. 

- There is one glitch- 

Michael looked up askance. 

- Al has a tendency to grow on its own. -

- Like a tree? -

- Like human -

- Oops!-

- Yeah, oops and double oops. - Raul paused before continuing. 

- There are hundreds of things you see in your daily life. And hundreds of things, though seen, go unobserved. Very few are retained in your memory box. But Al will deposit all that you have seen and read, in its cell, and return everything with interest. It will work when you are asleep. And when you wake up you will see the same things which you have seen earlier, differently. Or to be more precise, you will act differently. Bottom line, Al will calm your nerves.-

- So where is the glitch? -

Raul hesitated. 

- Over a period I can’t tell how Al would think-

- Meaning? -

- I have chopped all the vegetables, added ingredients and spices and started the stove for cooking. I know it will be tasty for me but not sure how others will like my recipe. And…-

- Stop talking in riddles. - Michael interrupted. 

Raul sighed. 

- Like I said, Al will acquire knowledge on its own. Not from just what you have seen or read, but what you have overlooked but he has seen. And though its primary function is to keep your emotions under control, and which it will gladly do, it can spurt things which can be futuristic, and beyond anyone's understanding. -

- When can you install it? - Michael interjected. 

Hello! Was he even listening ? 

- In three months- Raul said though he knew it would take at most one month to complete. He wanted Michael to think it over more deeply and soberly, hoping he would change his mind eventually. Michael seemed stubborn and adamant at the moment. 

Michael got up unsteadily and hugged Raul with all his strength. 

- I need this Raul, I need this, my friend.-

Raul still had his hands up in the air as he was explaining to Michael. But he finally brought them down in resignation, and hugged Michael. 

- ok. Now hang around for some breakfast and will talk about something else. -

But Michael was in no mood to talk about random stuff. He was focused though tipsy. Determined when not needed. 

- Call me when you are ready. - he said and left abruptly. 

Back on the beach. Thoughts heavy. Mind fuzzy. Pace slower. Michael walked. He looked at the sea and felt like taking a dip. Would Al feel the same once installed? He was already thinking ahead. He thought of taking a small vacation up in the mountains. May be if that changed his mind he wouldn’t have to take machine-help. Michael was a stockbroker or rather trader. He had set up his office at home. He was the sole owner with no employees. He could take a break whenever he wanted. Yes, that’s what he will do. He called up Raul and told him that he will be away for a few days. Raul wished him luck and hoped that the change of air would help him change his mind. 

Michael went up in the mountains and Raul immersed himself deep in his project- Al Cell. 

Few days went by, then months. Just when things appeared to be settling down, Michale called up Raul. And the unavoidable route was trodden. 

Dr. David was an eye surgeon, an old acquaintance of Raul’s, who would be performing the surgery and the plantation of Al. Now, David owed Raul a favour or two. Basically their favours went back and forth. Each would be called upon to do a certain task from time to time without any questions asked, specially when money exchanged was large- as was in this case. Michael was prepared to spend a bomb on his fragile and ignited emotions.

The surgery was to take place in David’s lab in the early morning. As usual, Michael walked down to Raul’s house on the beach. Raul was waiting for him and they drove to David’s lab. Introductions were made to be forgotten. Michael made the payment in cash, and the procedure began. Michael was given a drug which put him to sleep and made him numb for a while. Before he drifted off he heard them cracking jokes to ward off the seriousness. 

For a long time the time paused. In Michael’s cells Al got a new cell. The inmates interacted and shared their stories. Al was a newcomer. Some were attracted to Al, some bullied him, while some outright rejected him- unaware that soon they would know who the real boss was. Al had patience and speed. Once loaded he would fire on all cylinders. For now, he laid low waiting for Michael to get up. 

When Michael woke up it was late evening. At first he thought he had lost his eyesight since he couldn’t see anything, but then slowly his eyes focused on the light outside and he realised it was dark. Raul heard some movement and realised Michael had woken up. Dr. David had left asking Raul to close the lab after he left. 

- How are you feeling? -

- Little heavy but otherwise alright.-

- Hmm. Let’s take you home. You must be hungry-

Michael nodded. Raul stood by Michael's side just in case he felt giddy. 

But Michael said he felt fine. Raul drove to his house and insisted Michael spend the night at his house. Michael was groggy, and reluctantly agreed and soon after dinner went off to sleep.

Michael woke up at 3 A.M., earlier than usual. But he felt refreshed. First thing he did was to check his eyes which he hadn’t last night because he was drowsy. He looked in the mirror. They were alright. No itching. And no three eyes looking back at him, he mused. Slowly he washed his eyes and said good morning to himself in the mirror, half expecting the third eye Al to respond. Just do your routine stuff- that’s what Raul had said. He peeped into Raul’s bedroom and found him deep asleep. He would go home and give him a call at a decent hour. Slowly and quietly without disturbing the morning or the night, he stepped out. 

Back on the beach. Too early for the revellers or walkers or for him. But guess not too early for the new eye. The dogs barked and Michael paused, and waited. Well- no love forthcoming. He blinked a few times as if Al needed a recharge. No love lost. Michael sighed and walked on. The beach appeared the same- good to walk, good to feed your thoughts. 

The moon shone bright, displaying its power of calmness. The fishermen were readying their nets. Tiny birds waited in anticipation. Few boats lolled in the background. The sea seemed endless as if stretching itself to meet the sky. Tall luminous buildings were equally eager to touch the sky. Michael looked at the sand. It looked inviting. He took off his shoes and started walking bare feet- which he had never done. Quite cool. He walked for an hour or two, not sure how long - timeless, like the sand. Sun would be up in an hour and forty three minutes. Anyways, he kept walking and reached home. He called Raul. He was up and eager, and a bit restless, since he hadn’t seen or heard Michael when he had woken up. Michael assured him he was fine and before Raul could ask he told him nothing unusual had happened so far. Not that Raul expected anything soon but still he knew or rather didn’t know the power of Al. He asked Michael what he saw or did. Michael told him.  Michael saw all this but what did Al see? Wondered Raul. 

- Oh yeah! One thing- Michael suddenly thought. 

- What?-

- I could somehow predict the time when the sun would be up. Anything to do with our friend, Al? -

That's it! Thought Raul. Al had woken up,  and was active. 

- Possibly, but take care and report everything- said Raul. 

Michael felt good, and decided to celebrate with a shot of brandy. After all, whose permission did he need to celebrate? Be it morning or evening. He poured the first shot and mixed it with his customary paraphernalia. It sailed through nicely. One more please, he ordered himself. He made one more and stretched in his long, wooden armchair. Just a habit, he thought. He sat there longer than usual. Normally, the second peg would also take just a few minutes to finish.  He stared at the glass as if it was a stranger. He picked it up and finished off in one large gulp. The glass wasn’t challenging him though. Barman Michael got up to pour one more, but something held him back. He was moving toward the bar on reflex, but he didn’t feel like having a drink. Strange. And then it struck him. It was probably Al’s doing. 

He called up Raul and told him what had occurred. 

- Yes, he is on- 

- Hmm..- 

- ok, could you elaborate what happened please? -

- Al is on. He saw you drinking and has recorded it in his cell. The cell probably didn’t like what you were doing. It could be anything, morning drinking or too many pegs or whatever.  So, he sent a signal to one of your nerves to make you stop drinking. The nerve which he contacted could be the one which salivates when it sees a drink. Anyway,  Al didn’t like it and accordingly has sent, and will keep sending such buzzes to your nerves. Bottom line, he will give you a healthy life. - Raul concluded. 

- Bad boy - Michael grunted and hung up

. 

Few days zipped by and nothing extraordinary occurred, or so Michael thought. He was busy in his work and had little time to observe Al’s antics, unaware that Al was beyond being playful. 

Michael had an annoying client, who always demanded answers even from any unforeseen circumstances. Michael always replied patiently to his queries, but after talking to him, he felt numb or agitated. It would drain him completely. One day the annoying client called him, and as usual started his blahs. Michale put down the phone after responding quietly. But that day he didn’t have any of those negative symptoms which normally followed after talking to this client.  Michael was quite ok and even worked with double energy. Michael was surprised by this change and called Raul to report to him. Raul chuckled. Yeah, it was Al. Michael blinked his eyes a few times in appreciation and smiled. 

It was late and he decided to get some shut-eye. Well, almost. 

He rose early the next morning and got immersed in his work straight away. He decided to trade today. Kind of itching to trade. One particular stock was nagging him for a while. He hadn’t known its history yet but somehow it didn’t bother him. He monitored the stock for a few minutes before deciding the right level to buy. He watched its movement for sometime and punched in the keys to buy. But instead, his fingers moved towards the ‘sell’ button. He was surprised. He sold short, which was not his typical move while trading. He watched it rise, and began cursing his luck, but all of a sudden the stock started dropping like a hot potato, which he was glad was not eating. Wow! Some luck, he wondered. Or was it just luck? He sat back, watched the stock drop a bit more, and bought back, making some good profit. 

He called up Raul and told him what had occurred. 

- first of all, send me a check for half of the profit - Raul said. 

- Will send it to Al. Explain -

- Well, - began Raul - Al saw what you saw, read what you didn’t, analysed, took a call to buy or sell, sent a signal to your brain, which in turn sent it to your finger, and made you sell short. - 

- But it was just this morning, may be few minutes of my reading the stock -

- But you have been reading about it for some time, right? - Asked Raul. 

- Yes. -

- Well, it seems Al has picked up the information which you have retained in your memory, probably when you were thinking about it or when you were  asleep- 

- Wow! -

Michael sounded excited. He thanked him and hung up. 

He traded some more, made some money, lost some. Come on Al- he muttered - you are my star employee or rather only employee. Don’t lose- 

Michael was enjoying this. He ignored all clients’ calls. He was hungry for trade, and decided he would cater for no one any more. Just pure trading and investing. He felt satiated. If the day was filling, the week was sumptuous. He read and read and read- half of it not digesting- till his eyes were heavy and red. 

Come Saturday, and he had made substantial profit by just trading. He called up his clients and told them, not regretfully, he would be closing all their accounts, he would be on his own, and gave an alternate reference of his friend whose services they might want to take up. Goodbye!

That done he felt a new kind of freedom. Not answerable to anyone. 

Raul came over in the evening since he hadn’t heard from Michael the whole week. Michael was beaming and, over a bottle of a luxurious wine, gave the week’s account to Raul. Raul said he was glad but scolded Michael for not calling him everyday. Michael apologised and promised he would do so from then on.

The next few weeks were lottery- weeks. Michael rarely steeped out of his house, traded - or rather Al traded - profusely, and made immense money. He drank less. But did not call Raul as promised. And Raul, as eager as he was of Al’s development, was worried for Michael, so he decided to have a small drinks and dinner party at his place the next coming Saturday. Two close friends, himself and Michael. He thought of calling Dr. David, the eye surgeon who had performed the surgery but decided against it. He wanted to have unprejudiced eyes.  Since everyone liked to start early in the evening in case they had to wind up if they felt sleepy, the gathering was fixed for 6 o’clock. Raul had observed that Michael or rather Al, was not yet exposed to humans other than Michael. It would've been interesting to monitor.

Come Saturday, and the four friends met. John and Lee were childhood friends of Raul and Michael. They practically grew up together, and though their work was diverse from one another, they regularly met and stayed in touch. John and Lee weren’t aware of ‘new’ Michael. And who best to notice the difference, if at all, then these two, thought Raul. So the gathering this time was more strategic than for fun. 

They all met, as always on time, hugged, punched, and sat in their customary chairs. Raul had set up the environment in his balcony. He sat on his swing. 

After a couple of drinks the discussion grew heavy and serious- politics, education and environment. These topics would normally bore Michael. And just so that he wouldn’t fall asleep his friends would poke him verbally here and there just to keep him awake. But tonight nothing of that sort happened. Michael not only took the beatings head-on but also debated aggressively. John and Lee thought the drink had gone to his head but they had not noticed that Michael had hardly touched his drink. Michael had had them in a corner and they were losing their arguments, much to their surprise. The long evening finally came to an end and they gave in, and almost saluted Michael. They had never felt so exhausted ever. Raul couldn’t hold his face from beaming.

The days went on. Michael became more aloof, more opinionated but less jittery. His emotions were in control so were his nerves. He rarely got agitated or angry. Raul got busy with other projects but kept a tab on Michael off and on, but less frequently. Raul noticed that Michael or rather Al had aided Michael in acquiring immense wealth. Michael appeared in good shape physically. But both Raul and Michael didn’t realise that Michael had almost stopped functioning on his own. Every command was given by Al to any of Michael’s nerves as he deemed fit. Michael started living quite a different life. People gave him a curious look which Michael was indifferent to on most occasions.

And then it was almost a year since Al was planted. To celebrate one year of the insertion, Raul invited Michael to his place. If Michael was grateful, he did not show it. Normal things or talks began to bore him quite easily and immediately. Though he showed no outward emotion for it, Al was beginning to wear him down. He was losing his identity and focus, and it was just all Al. Michael was living because of, and for Al. Raul asked him about his health and Michael said he had never felt better. It was Al speaking. A stranger would see Michael as a perfect man, a prime example. But Raul could see and observe the difference. A little spark of old Michael would sometimes spring up just to disappear as quickly. He was fully in control of himself, of his emotions and of his life. But he was Michael no more.